I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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