The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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