as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
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No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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