Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
