So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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