If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
