I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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