Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
