I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize