dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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