who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
