Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize