the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
