Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The air was thick with penises
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
