This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
