We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
