i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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