you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
