I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
