so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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