I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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