it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
