we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
