I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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