Christians are straight up FREAKS
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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