How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
