She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
