I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
