You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
