i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
