Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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