You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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