I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
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