You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
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he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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