just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
