but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
