Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
