I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
