my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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