Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
