Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
