my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
