shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
