we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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