there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I have already put on my inside pants.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
