If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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