i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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