jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
