So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
