9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
