I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
