420 ftw
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
