They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
