whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.