Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
