Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
