I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
