im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
