Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
