I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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