Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
