I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
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all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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