Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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