I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
