Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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