Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
